By Mali Sapsed Foster
Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash
The most popular kink of 2023 was reportedly sadism – inflicting physical or psychological harm or suffering onto another person, in order to achieve sexual stimulation. While it is important not to demonise those who indulge their fetishes, some believe there is a link between criminal behaviour and those who engage with sadistic sexual activities.
Many fetishes are innocent (think feet, armpits or balloons) and even those that involve pain are based on respect and consent. But with many fetishes dancing along the fine line of legality - and some downright criminalised - it is not surprising that there is a dark side.
Infographic made by Mali Sapsed Foster, data by Gitnux
“The weirdest request I’ve ever had would have to be the necro request, so people that are into the necrophilia fetish,” said “Tina”, 30, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, referring to people who get sexually aroused by dead people.
Recently, Tina – who has a corporate job - began selling pictures of her feet online on a leading buying/selling foot-fetish platform.
“I did a request where I had to show my feet as if I were a dead person, so I put a toe tag on my toe with a name and then laid underneath a white sheet. They couldn’t see anything like my face or body, just my feet underneath a sheet as if I was lying underneath a morgue table.”
Tina says this was not her first encounter with a necrophiliac.
“Somebody also said to me they have a fantasy of giving me chloroform and having their way with my limp body,” she claimed.
Tina is not a part of the fetish community herself, and believes that while most of her customers have been respectful and “almost embarrassed” by their sexual desires, there is a sinister side to the community.
“The necro thing is disturbing,” she said. "I believe there have always been these types of fetishes around, it just hasn’t been common knowledge…. I think there is a large proportion of violent men in society anyway, whether they have fetishes or not.”
Some argue that allowing people to play out their sexual fantasies, no matter how disturbing, in an ‘unreal’ or safe environment precludes them from actually acting them out. Others say the opposite.
“There have been cases of people who have died from strangulation when things go too far accidentally,” said “Sarah”, 25, who also requested anonymity. “People may judge women who have fetishes and may not take them as seriously if in guard during these activities, which is wrong.”
Sarah has considered working on the same foot fetish platform as Tina, though ultimately decided against it. “I heard stories from friends who have used it in the past of people being creepy and even threatening,” she said.
Photo by How-Soon Ngu on Unsplash
While not an active member of the community, her experience with previous partners and friends within it gives her a unique perspective on the dangers of fetishists walking the line of legality.
“I’ve heard of cases where people have died or injured during strangulation when things go too far accidentally,” she warned, and discussed the consequences women may face in these situations, “People or police may judge women who have fetishes and may not take them as seriously if they're injured during these activities, which is wrong.”
The BBC revealed that more than a third of women have experienced unwanted choking, slapping, gagging or spitting during consensual sex – with 20% afterwards feeling upset or frightened.
Graph found on the BBC Website
“It’s a scary thought," Sarah said, “that men can hide behind these fetishes to harm people, especially women, and get gratification from it.”
The ONS reported that police flagged 885,393 recorded domestic abuse-related incidents in 2023, with 32,946 sexual offences flagged as domestic abuse related. There were 193,096 sexual assaults recorded.
In 2022 Jayne Butler, CEO of Rape Crisis England & Wales, was published responding to increasing sexual assault that year:
"It's really important to note that it is the number of sexual offences recorded by police that has increased by 32% for the year ending March 2022, not the number of sexual offences perpetrated overall."
She continued,"This distinction is important because we know that the vast majority of victims and survivors of sexual violence never report what happened to them to the police."
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